This is heart.
It has no self-control. You leave it alone for ONE SECOND and when you turn your head to look, there's a huge mess and it's gazing up at you like "what just happened..."
Needless to say, heart needs some supervision. There are two possible supervisors of heart, Head and Gut.
Head is the type A supervisor that determines the standards. When Head takes over, out comes a laundry list of expectations that possible candidates should have: Christian, tall, smart, deep, financially secure, loves the outdoors etc. When Head meets a potential partner, it holds an interview while checking off boxes on the list. When standards are not met, Heart is on lock down. When standards are met, Heart is given full control, which can be... disastrous.
Because laundry lists are generally characteristics that are quickly observable, Head lets heart out too early. Once Heart takes over, every glance, movement, word is analyzed to discern whether said target reciprocates feelings. The goal now is to obtain. With Heart as a lead, Gut and Head are blinded. The machiavellian character gets in as well as liars. And this isn't discovered until a copious amount of effort and hope has already been invested... because those are things learned with time.
The main problem with this method is that it is an oversimplification of the complexity of relationships and people. People are extremely complex. We're a combination of family environment, genetic disposition, schooling, traumatic past events, hopes and desires... it doesn't end. It would be hard to fully understand someone, even after a lifetime of knowing them. We can, in no way, simply people to a laundry list of character traits EVEN IF the laundry list had so-called "deep and noble" qualities. It can not predict the suitability of the person as YOUR specific partner just as it can not fully encompass that person as an individual. Let alone knowing other people, we hardly even know ourselves for that matter!
So what am I vouching for? You would be right if you guessed Gut. There have been several scientific studies that showed our Gut (or intuition) knows things before our head, as measured by activation of sympathetic and parasympathetic parameters. Gut operates off instinct built from past experiences. And I also believe, our gut is often how God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit. So, how do we tune in to Gut?
There are two questions you should ask yourself about every person you're interested in:
1.) Do I like spending time with this person?
2.) Would I respect this person's decisions even if they differed from my own?
Not to worry. Though it seems overly simple, actually everything that is in the laundry list for head is embedded somewhere within these two questions in a much less direct manner.
And as for physical attraction... don't worry because Heart has that down. If Heart wasn't at least a little stirred, Gut and Head don't need to step in at all to stop it from going haywire. (And sometimes Head might be surprised at what ends up stirring Heart.)
We go through a lot of trouble putting our hopes on people that aren't right for us, while missing out on wonderful people because they don't fit some superficial standard. Pretty much every single girl I know has this laundry list thing, opening themselves up to missing out or being deceived and disillusioned.
It takes much longer to answer those two Gut questions than it is to look at a laundry list because those two questions are things answered through repeated observations. Heart gets let out later, but there's a much greater chance it's being let out to something good.
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