If you want to kidnap me, feed me dairy

The other day I literally ate two sample 1 cm blocks of cheese and felt like I was about to die. The vendor was all smiles, but secretly he had it out for me. He knew I was asian. He knew I couldn't resist free stuff OR cheese. He was a hitman, that's what he was.

Now, I'm an a very girly stomachache person in that when my stomach starts hurting, I begin to faint. So here I was in the mall with the autistic client I see on the weekends. She's looking at me from her wheelchair, making her self-stimulatory repetitive sounds, and occasionally reaching out her arm to touch innocent passerbys, while I'm behind her, probably pasty white, with my stomach occasionally making noises to signal it's dissatisfaction with my life choices. My mind was starting to get a little cloudy and blurry. I was about to faint, man.

It just sucks. My body seems to think fainting is the perfect solution for all issues. I drank a cup of coffee instead of tea. The solution is fainting. I'm having my period. Perfect reason to faint. I saw a significant amount of blood. Fainting will help with that too. I feel like Frodo in the LOTR movie when he trips over a branch while being chased by the black rider. It's anticlimatic and warrantees the "..." of disappointment. That's the person that going to die if faced with any kind of dangerous circumstance.

So, I'm going to Indonesia soon, which is stomachache capital of the world apparently. I'm arming with myself with enough medication to give me constipation for a month. Pray that I make it out alive.